Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize