Porn is love you can see.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
