Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
