I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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