Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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