You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
