real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize