I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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