I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
