I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
