yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
