You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize