I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize