Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
