What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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