Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All I want is dick and wine.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
