honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
