I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there's paper in my vomit.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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