put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
