I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
