I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
