is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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