I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
