well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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