I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
