Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
