this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
