So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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