i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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