i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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