I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
