she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
