somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
