i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
