If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
