she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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