Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize