I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
