Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
