I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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