"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
