Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
