k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
