mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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