awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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