it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My penis needs a shock collar
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
