The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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