I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
