When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
