he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize