Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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