Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
