false alarm. still invincible.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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