I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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