Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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