i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
