I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
