omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize