Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
