Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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