What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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