She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
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