I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just forgot I was standing up.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
