pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
