maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
