So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she was so not down for the gang bang
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
