i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
