i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
