how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
