I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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