I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
