he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
