It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
