You can't special order awesome
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize